The pieces of my soul run as deep as the rivers
I've cried throughout the years.
Scattered about on wings of fate, never to completely rest.
They say that this will soon pass, yet it's been a while...
My only hope is that the pain will eventually subside.
Pain builds charachter my father always said,
I have alot of charachter to live with. Winter 6/00
Snow falls, like a fading memory...
It's cold outside. I think of days past.
I walk through a forest.
A glance at my feet, a shattered deream of the past.
Ice and snow are the bandages of time, brings me closer to home.
Winter covers the land while ice falls from my eyes,
nipping at the pain that makes me whole. Burn 5/96
As the world turns all I do is burn.
My life is meaningless as the sea beats the shore.
Where do I turn, where do I go
Where should I lie for the final step. Unto Thee 2/01
In my darkend heart beats the last labor of love...
I give myself to you...
Show me the way, the way back home, to a better day...
I give myself Unto Thee, a fool for all to see, Take away my tradgedy
Only hours since my death, at least it seems that way to me...
Only days have gone on and on inside my head.
I know that I would be lonely if it weren't for you my friend,
I give myself Unto Thee... Drive 3/00
Endless nights of bitter remorse
Driving through crowds of scattered souls
There is no end in sight
While staring into the lights
Far away is here and now
I'm still stuck on yesterday Betrayal 5/00
Disguised as truth a tale is told
Accepted is the unknown
As time goes on my heart grows cold
The worlds unjust has taken hold
Betrayal is in the air
Betrayal is everywhere
Enraged are those who know it
Enslaved are those who show it * Pain 10/92
Here, I sit by the window.
Gazing out upon the open sky.
Blue with greyish-white clouds that overlay like a soft carpet.
The sun is bright, reminds me of memories long ago,
a song rishing through my head, thoughts of you come back,
Heart felt anger, sorrow, love, joy. A whole world of mixed emotions.
Pain, emotion runs deep.
I awake in thought and realize... you're gone.
A feeling of familiar in the room, in my heart, in my mind.
I look quickly hoping that you're there, I turn... Nothing.
I call out your name, only to realize that no one answers.
I talk, it helps a little... Gazing into a picture and remembering how I last saw you.
I shut my eyes and the have to open them quickly, only to abject horror.
One asked what I feel.
...Pain. 9/11 9/11/01
I saw the news today
And heard things we're blown away.
Tears fall as lady liberty cries
And smoke pours in her eyes.
Five points fall and crumble
As the Air and Fields began to rumble
Undetermined loss of life
Unbelievable time of strife
I hear the screams of panic from the east
As the people cry cause we lost our peace
I pray for all who have been lost
You paid a price, but at what cost
We'll search them out one by one
And make them pay for what they've done
When all this is said and done
We won't forget 9 / 1 1
I Shall Look For Thee 9/01
I shall look for thee...upon thy platform.
Thou hast more beauty than the sun, or moon. Thou doth truly belong amidst the stars.
For you are my sun when morning caresses me to awaken, and you are my moon, when I rise out of my slumber to play among the creatures of the night.
My heart knows thee, but not knoweth why. Unclear are these tremors that beat within my chest. Unclear the path of which to take. Unclear of how this came to be. Unclear yet of why you complete me.
Indeed I shall look for thee... I shall call out on you within the dead of night, and take you on my horses far away from the light. We shall roam as one, frolicking into the night. Yes, I shall look for thee... The Shadows Talk to thee 9/01
The shadows talk to thee, and tell you of my fondness. The carry the messages of emotion upon their wings, and deliver me from darkness with each of your words. For I have been lost, and you have found me. What do I do? 10/01
And though sometimes I feel like things will turn out, it's the times like these that I wish to die. I shall not live in peace, for love is a curse upon my soul. There is nothing final. The struggle my heart feels is one of great remorse for two. For no pain do I wish to bring them. Thoughts of a song run over and over, the chorus stating boldly Should I stay, or should I go? Both make me feel things I have never felt before.
The pain in my chest is one that will pass, a friend tells me. But I cannot believe him. I scream out to the Gods for help, and to let them know "I'm Screwed!" I hear nothing but she echoes of my soul bouncing down the street, and the beating of my chest. I feel the weight of many things, but none so pressing or as heavy as this simple question… What do I do?
I have spent One and a half years learning about myself through another, and I cannot thank her enough. But is it enough to face ones inner self through another, and grow from it. We fight like cats most days, Rarely spending time together. That is not enough, but I cannot let go… I have spent four years with a great weight on my chest from my past. It was wonderful, fresh and new. We have always been friends, we have always been close, and I cannot let go… My heart works like a clock. Both times match, one day and one night. Is this a way to live? I am destined to take people with me in a downward spiral of emotions. What do I do?
I tried to make things work once. Did a good job. Now all that I can fix, are the little pieces of others. For I am broken. Lost. Confused.
I cry to the Gods... What do I do?